Last week, 2nd February was my birthday and I knew I had to do a grateful blog post because how far I have come, deserves to be celebrated. I have never been a birth DAY kind of girl; I’ve always been a birth MONTH kinda girl. LOL! But with time I have toned it down to a birth WEEK kinda girl. So, I have been celebrating all week!
One of my friends commented last week and said “Wendy, you are loved” and it is so true, I am indeed loved. Why do I choose to celebrate this? Because there was a time in my life that I felt invisible, I felt like I did not matter and I felt unseen. I felt like I needed to do so much, most of it to please others, just to be worthy of any kind of affection. It is sad to say it now but it is so true. That is how I felt. It made me afraid and so closed in on myself that even those who did love me had to fight to get past my walls. As I take my journey of self-reflection, I realize that in order to have authentic relationships, I need to open up and be vulnerable. It did not mean I will never get hurt, but it means I had a higher chance of developing better, healthier relationships. Because it is hard for people to trust and be vulnerable with you if you cannot reciprocate. Eventually, they will stop trying because it will always feel one-sided.
Being vulnerable took a bit of time, as I decided who I should be opening up to or not, but slowly I have opened up and oh boy, my friendships are so amazing, I have such a solid support system I never thought possible. There are people in my life now that I know love me for me, and that I do not have to break my back or burn myself to be worthy of their love. Who make me feel seen and appreciated, who hold me accountable and remind me of my worth. But even better, it is my own ability to see my own worth that is my greatest gift to myself this birthday.
I have two devotions daily, one to start my day and one to end my day and these were the two verses that day: Matthew 5:14 “You are a light of the world – like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden” and the second one 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” The second of these verses epitomize so much of who I believe I am and part of my purpose; to be a conduit of God’s comfort, grace, kindness, generosity, gentleness, acceptance, tolerance, love and so much more. The first one, while I know it is part of me, I know I have a lot of growing and accepting to do to fully epitomize that but just like everything else, I will do it a step at a time, my way, with the grace of the Almighty.
As I wrap up my celebrations, I want to say thank you to my support system, a special shout out of sorts;
My brother and sister-in-law, family y’all, I love you! B, A and Dr. J, solid, solid as a rock, thanks for holding me accountable and pushing me! My ISD family, every single day, side by side, we make it happen, it’s all love! My KenSen Family, together far from home, giving each other strength, I appreciate you! My Beaver Divas, y’all know we came from far far away, and we still be rising together, I honor you! To the people who I don’t not even know personally but read my blog, comment on my FB posts and follow me, thank you for your faith in a stranger, it means more than you will ever know.
To another year of grace, love, faith and growth. Happy Birthday to me!
The Musings of a Wandering Mind 