Of How we are

How are you today? No, really, How are you today? Not yesterday, not tomorrow. How are you, today?

We ask other people multiple times a day how they are doing and if you are like me, I intentionally add in the word ‘today’ so that they can tell me about how they are on this particular day. Often, the reflex answer from a lot of us is, “I’m fine, thank you and you?” or some form of this response. Both the person asking and the person responding are mostly being polite and after the pleasantry, everyone goes their way. And this is civility which is great. But how many of us are NOT fine? Every day, if not every other day, we read that someone has taken their lives, in some cases taken other lives as well, as they have sunken to a point of despair so low, they saw no other way out. I am sure they had at least a couple of people in their lives that day who asked them how they are but could never have guessed how this person was feeling.

The last two years have taken a toll on all of us on a global scale to varying degrees and has increased mental health issues almost 100-fold. It turns out a lot of us adults have never really developed health coping mechanisms to deal with challenging times and it is showing up in lives of adults and children alike. A friend of mine, a couple of days ago, when we were talking about yet another news item of someone who had taken their life asked me “Do you think that they know they are depressed before they take that final, very final action?” I think the answer is some do and some don’t. But how many of us actually take the time to ask ourselves “How am I today?”

Before I encourage you to check in, to truly stop and ask one person in your life today how they are and ask you really engage with them to know what the true answer is and I will do that at some point, my first question to you is, when was the last time you checked in on yourself? When was the last time you looked in the mirror and honestly asked yourself how am I doing today? A lot of us are so busy in this ‘rat-race’ of life that we forget to check in, we are busy with work, getting them bills paid, busy with taking care of our spouses, our children, our families, our church, our neighbors, our friends…. Trying to keep up appearances that everything is okay, even when we have an inkling somewhere deep within us that everything is not okay. We are so busy looking externally and never spare a moment to look internally.

A lot of us are running on empty, on fumes, as we trying to do everything and be everything to everybody but ourselves. And when we are finally completely depleted, and those dark voices come, there are no reserves from which we can draw our hope from and so we give in, and we cheat ourselves of our future as we give up on ever getting up again. We are of no use to ourselves or others when we are empty, we cannot pour in any healthy way into others when we are empty and it is at these times, we turn to unhealthy ways which do way more damage than good.

I know you are busy but today, can I ask you to take a few minutes of your day, TODAY, to check in with yourself? How are you doing? How are you feeling? What do you need (internally, not materially) and where can you get it? If you are okay, that is amazing! Go you! But if you are not okay, reach out for help, reach out to one person you trust, call them, message them, find a way to tell them you are not okay and you need help. If you have no one you trust, and are in a place with help lines, call one and tell them you are not okay. Prioritize working on you first because that is the only way you can truly be the best parent, friend, child, family member, neighbor, member of society, any and all of those things you ever want to be. It all begins with you.

It is okay to not be okay.  You are not weak or selfish for not being okay. You are human. We all are.

I have been there, that place where I am not okay, multiple times, and I know that darkness and despair that one feels, I promise you, I do, but I also know there is hope and that if you hang on one more day, one more hour, just one more, you can make it.

Be kind to yourselves, take care of yourselves and only then, can you take care of others.