I have heard many times, in words, in songs, mostly gospel about how our relationship with God should be, about how we should see him as a loving father, friend, companion among many other things. That His love for us is unconditional and I am in no way disputing any of that, but the other day I was reflecting about it and the most pivotal point of all the songs and sermons and articles and the basic foundation of our faith is in RELATIONSHIP with God. And that’s great but what happens when in the life one has had, they have not experienced any fundamentally good relationships? What then? What is the reference point for this unconditional love that God has for us?
I read somewhere and I have learnt that it is true that we don’t know what we don’t know. Not as a justification for not being good people but men will learn fatherhood from watching their fathers, women will learn motherhood from watching their mothers, children model after what they see growing up, we are all in one way or another influenced by those around us. So, if our most fundamental relationships are flawed, how do we relate to God from that premise.
Growing up in an African home, at least in my experience, children are often to be seen and not heard. We didn’t have conversations with our parents or elders, they said, we obeyed. Anything less than that was a calling for a whopping. We spent a lot of childhood dodging or wiggling out of getting a whopping. We didn’t learn how to be honest about our feelings and opinions to our elders because technically ‘kids don’t know anything’ so you weren’t really entitled to an opinion. I’m not bashing the system we grew up in, it had its advantages but how then as an adult have an honest open close relationship with God as my father if I don’t know how that looks like? Is it any wonder that it is easier to think of God as one who punishes us for every time we fail, even though His word says otherwise? Is it any wonder that we will fall for ‘paying’ for a miracle because we believe that this God needs some incentive even though His word says different?
If we did not know unconditional love, or how to articulate our emotions, good, bad, ugly, in between with people we spent a lot of our formative years with, if we experienced abuse or unfairness or judgement or bullying by those who were meant to love us, guide us and want the best for us, how can we relate to a God who we can’t see, have never met and go by faith that He wants the best for us because He is God? That He will never go back on His word when those we trusted the most have? That He will never change His mind about us when those we value have?
It’s true, we don’t know what we don’t know but as Maya Angelou said “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better”. Maybe the most basic premise as we figure out our relationship with God, is to examine our own fundamental relationships with those closest to us and see whether those experiences are blocking us from God’s best for us. To reflect deeply and honestly on what our belief systems are based on so that we don’t end up putting God in this “box” of what we think He can do or not do. Ephesians 3:20 says “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”. Now that blows my mind because I have a wild imagination but it says that God can do more than I can ask or imagine! Like wow! That what he has for me is beyond anything my crazy mind can conjure! That, for me is mind blowing. But God is also a gentleman (I heard that somewhere and I love it), He will not force anything on us, which means, He can do it ALL, but we have to not only give Him the permission, we have to be willing to fully trust Him in all things.
So how ready are you, or I for that matter, to let God out of whatever box we have put Him in based on our painful experiences, disappointments, anguish, fear, shame? In this life we have to pay a price for something (and I do not mean money), we can continue to live in shame, fear, disappointment, brokenness, uncertainty (that is a price) or can we take a small step in faith every day to get to a place of God’s peace, provision, love, kindness, forgiveness, boldness (that is the other price). Which one would you rather pay? Neither of those paths is easy, that’s for sure, but it’s a personal choice on which of those prices any of us is willing to pay as we run this race called life.
I for one, want to make a choice that I can be proud of at the end of this journey 🙂
The Musings of a Wandering Mind 