According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a stereotype as “a set idea that people have about what someone or something is like, especially an idea that is wrong” while Merriam-Webster defines it as “a standardized mental picture that is held in common by members of a group and that represents an oversimplified opinion, prejudiced attitude, or uncritical judgment.” We all know the importance of not stereotyping people or groups of people as it often leads to things like erroneous conclusions and interpersonal conflicts.
But today I want to talk about how we stereotype ourselves. What oversimplified opinions or prejudiced attitudes do we hold toward ourselves? What things have you told yourself that you may need to re-examine?
If anyone had told me I could ever quit alcohol, even for a short amount of time, I would have asked them what they were high on. Even when I started having my stomach issues, the doctor put me on a bunch of meds and told me to stop beer and spicy food. How did I stop beer but still had spirits? LOL! Me quit alcohol? How? Why? LOL! Yet here I am a year and a half in and what I thought was impossible, was in fact, quite possible. And that was eye opening for me and so while I was stuck working from home during COVID, I started asking myself what else I have always said I could not do that I could in fact do. So, let me tell you some of my stereotypes (big and small) toward myself; I am not a morning person, I like my sleep (I really do); I cannot work out from home, I just don’t have the discipline; I do not have an eye for fashion, I cannot wear bright colors; I cannot do sales; I cannot fast, not even intermittent due to my low blood sugar, plus I love food; I cannot meditate, how can I when my brain won’t slow down? Isn’t that why I drink?
See how many ‘can nots’ are in that list? How much I have limited myself by simply the words that I give power over my life by saying them over and over again? I therefore took some of these on, concurrently, just to see if the success with the alcohol can be replicated. Let’s start with I am not a morning person and I do not have the discipline to work out at home. For a while in my professional life, I worked by myself and could dictate my hours more or less, so the workday began at about 9 ish. Then I found myself at an 8 – 5 job which needed me to wake up early, beat traffic and be at work by 8 and so I was forced to do so, but I still said I was not a morning person, dragging my butt out of bed after hitting the snooze button about 5 times! Then I read the 5 am Club by Robin Sharma and while I loved the book, I still could not see myself getting up at 5 am! That was too early! Then we were all stuck at home and my bad habit started creeping back in of hitting the snooze button and I just did not like it. Then I listened to a TedTalk on doing things in small increments (can’t remember which one exactly) and I decided to try it. So instead of waking up at 6 am, rush to get ready and leave by 6.45 am, I decided to move my alarm clock 15 minutes before and not hit the snooze button when the alarm went off in the morning. Tried this for about 2 weeks (not weekends) and eventually, I woke up about a minute or so before the alarm actually went off at before 5.45 am. And so, I pushed it another 15 minutes back and repeated the cycle. I realized waking up earlier gave me more time to get ready without rushing through everything.
While I was doing this, I had also bought some small supplies to work out from home as the gyms were closed. Now if you have read some of my other posts, you will know that working out is one of the things that has helped me stay sober and so with lock down and the anxieties that came with that, I badly needed to keep working out to stay sane and sober. And with the gyms closed and my accountability partner being far away, I forced myself to keep working out. Then I stumbled on to the app FitOn (if you don’t know it, check it out, it is awesome), and it changed how I approached exercise completely. And I realized that the 20 minutes workout recommended in the morning in the book, was absolutely possible. So, by the time my alarm hit 5.00 am, I did my 20-minute morning workout. Remember my clock kept going back by 15 minutes every 2 or so weeks and eventually, I was getting up at 5 am. This now allowed me to wake up early, exercise, shower, get ready and be in my home “office” same time I would be in my actual office. By the time we were going back to the real office, I barely needed the alarm to wake me up.
Also, with the ease of the app, I was challenging my ability to work out from home and instilling that ‘discipline’ I really thought I lacked. Every time I felt lazy, I ask myself, can I do a 13-minute work out? Just 13 minutes? Of course, I can, it’s better than nothing right? So, I do a 13-minute Tabata workout that has me sweating and of course at that point I wanna do another one coz I am already in it.
The next one, I can’t wear bright colors. If you know anything about West Africa, you know it is the home of Fashion and amazing fabrics, and your girl over here, grew up in east Africa being the full tomboy with love for blues, greys and blacks and predominantly trouser suits, minimal to non-existent skirts, dresses or heels. So, I started with making outfits in my basic colors with just a smidge of a bright color here and there and my love grew from there, guess my mom’s love for fashion finally pierced through LOL! And wouldn’t my dad be so proud finally seeing his daughter in skirts and dresses looking like a girl! LOL! Used to drive him nuts, my dislike for anything even close to feminine.
So, what benefits have I seen from these small changes over time? I am now a morning person who knew?! and I find I am actually very productive in the morning. I have lost 10 kgs in about a year and I can see the change in my physique, I am sleeping fairly better than before and I actually like what I see in the mirror now. I am well on my way to being a fashionista! LOL! No not really, but I am now able to wear fashionable, colorful outfits that I absolutely love! Just to mention but a few
I could continue but that would make this a super long post, but what I am trying to ask you is, what stereotypes (false beliefs) or narratives have you told yourself over and over again? Are they actually true or is it time to challenge some of them? Is it time to re-evaluate those beliefs? And while knowing yourself is good, evolving as you grow, is even better.
And I know it feels daunting but it can be broken down to small bite sized tasks until you build that ‘muscle’ for it. It can be 15 minutes back every couple of weeks until you get to your ideal wake up time, it can be a yoga mat and sneakers and a 12 minute work out, it could be a pop of color here and there until you can wear a full outfit, it can be taking your first meal later and later in the day until you can intermittent fast. I do not know what your “I cannot….” is, but how about you remove the ‘not’ and turn it into an ‘I can’? One thing at a time, one task at a time, even 5 minutes at a time, just believe and trust enough in yourself to try.
I will end on this note, I have not challenged all my ‘can nots’, I still have a long way to go, but you know what, just knowing that I CAN challenge each and every one of them, and succeed is all the driving force I need.
What about you? You ready to try?
The Musings of a Wandering Mind 