Of Leaves, branches and roots

The first time I heard this story or teaching if you will, was something I read from Tyler Perry and I remember it really stuck with me. And I have heard it multiple time from multiple sources since then. It was about our relationships with people and how it likened our lives to a tree and how the people that come into it can be leaves, branches or roots.

The leaf people are those who come into your life for a short season, they are in your life, they enrich your life just as you enrich their lives but at the slightest sign of trouble, a little gust of wind, some pressure of any kind, they fall off. They may also fall off because their season is over but they aren’t around for long.

Then you have your branch folk. These are sturdier than the leaf people and will stay around a lot longer, they will get sustenance from you the tree and you will get support from them. But there will come a time that stuff happens that will eventually cause them to break away as well, when the strong winds come or when pressure mounts and become too much, they will eventually fall away. It is said that you shouldn’t blame leaf or branch people for who they are, because that was the role they were always meant to play in your life and it is your responsibility to see and choose wisely and be aware of the people who will only be in your life for a season.

And then there are your root people. These are the people who ground you and will always be there to support you and hold you up. They will weather all sorts of storms with you and while they may not always be seen or get credit, they are always there holding you steady, nourishing you and even in the roughest of storms, they remain. They are meant to be your lifetime kind of people.

What I have not heard anybody say is what happens when your roots fall off or break away. What do you do when the people you counted on, trusted, loved, depended on in so many ways, your lifetime people, leave your life? And not through inevitable stuff like death or sickness, but they simply get up and walk away? What does one do then?

This struck me because in the last year, I have lost two of what I considered my roots, a combined 27 years of friendship. People I would have sworn would always be in my life and I would always be in theirs, simply up and walked away like I never existed, like our friendship never mattered at all. People I considered my roots, who knew all of me and whom I believed I was a root to as well. What does one do when their roots are no longer there? When that rejection is so deep and visceral? I, for one, it almost broke me. For a while, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it and I tried to fix it, only to be rejected over and over again. And while am in the process of accepting it, there are times, I am still so angry because of the pain I felt. Because in a million years, I would never have thought it would play out the way it did.

So, the other day, I was talking to a wise woman, Dr. J, and she said something so profound, it blew me away. She said “What if your roots are supposed to be God?” And I had never thought about that before. She added “Human beings will always disappoint you, change their minds about you but God never waivers for you” and man did that hit home for me. Life happens to all of us, it has its up and downs and for real, no matter how great the people in your life are, they will at some point disappoint you, not because they are mean or wish you harm or anything like that, but because life happens and people change and time keeps moving.

Now as I reflect on this teaching, which I only applied to the people in my life, I have begun to think about my roots as God, the one who never waivers, who is true no matter what and will never change His mind about me. And even as I process the loss of my human roots, His grace has put other people in my life right now who continue to show me that It is well and that there is always hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.

Now don’t get me wrong, loss hurts, rejection especially from those you care about, hurts, it hurts A LOT, but there is always purpose to everything that happens in life, I have always believed that. And it is essential to process the pain and then let it go, do not let that anger and pain make you bitter because this will be akin to drinking poison to hurt those who hurt you yet in the end it is still you that will be hurting. Human beings are imperfect creatures which is why only God is perfect. If people, no matter how much you care about them choose to walk away from you, let them. Their role in your life is over, and trying to hold onto them will in the end hurt you all the more. I am not saying get over it, I am saying make peace with it and keep moving forward. Holding on to bitterness and anger achieves no purpose besides bringing you down, blocking your happiness and your blessings. Let them be and once you have cried and mourned the friendship or relationship, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep you head high and keep moving. He who never sleeps and never stops watching over you, has your back. Keep the faith and keep looking to Him who created you and knew you before you were even formed.

If you, like me, have lost your roots lately, please don’t give up, don’t let that rejection take root and make you feel unworthy, don’t let anger take root in your spirit and I say that knowing fully well how hard it is, but remember to put you first, love you first and pour into yourself first. The love that you gave to the ones who left shows that you do have a capacity to love, don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

And lastly, and this is what I am struggling with myself, do not close yourself off because of the pain. You see when these two losses happened within a span of a few months apart, my first reaction was I will build up my walls and defenses around my heart that no one will ever get that close to me ever again because I can’t go through that gut-wrenching pain or tears again.  But at the same time, several things happened. One, people who had already been in my life, without knowing it, stepped up for me, showed up for me and have poured so much into me, I can only be grateful and see God’s hand at work. And I will forever be grateful to them for being angels in my life. And second, new people came into my life from literally nowhere and are showing me things I had almost given up on. So, by all means, of course protect your heart, it’s precious, but don’t close yourself off completely, and let God surprise you.