Eventually, after about 3 or 4 hours of self talk, tears and more self talk, I refused to give anyone that sort of power over me and I poured the vodka down the drain.
Throughout the year, I had stuck to my workout schedule religiously and watched what I ate. I also did intermittent fasting (which I had always thought i couldn’t do for health reasons) but found out that I could. The result was I shrunk, literally. I could now fit in clothes I hadn’t worn in years, I didn’t look pregnant lol! And I started liking what I was seeing in the mirror. As we got back to work in August, I was, as were my closest peeps, amazed at how far I had come and the fact that I had made it 10 months.
On October 20, 2020, I officially marked a year of sobriety and I decided to shoot for another year. So here I am, sober and hoping to stay that way. As I marked this event, some of my old friends asked me “When did it get so bad that you chose to quit?” And my answer was when was it ever not? As far as I can remember, I drank to excess, i held it well but it was always excessive. I truly feel that I had been an alcoholic almost my whole adult life.
I still have a long way to go but I’m glad I got here and there is still stuff I am figuring out like, what do people do when they wake up early on weekends? Lol! Seriously, I was used to nursing hangovers till noon for over a decade and being up at 7 in the morning on Saturday and Sunday still feels weird. I’m also still working through handling my emotions, good or bad, without alcohol. I’m still trying to figure out what people do for fun socially on Friday and Saturday nights that does not include partying and drinking all night.
I for sure haven’t figured it all out yet, but I have learnt some very important lessons in this process about myself and they are that; I am stronger than I think, that when I truly set my mind to it, I can achieve anything, I have learnt the importance of having a few true friends in your life, folks who got your back no matter what, but I’ve also learnt you gotta be wary to not confuse your leaf and branch people with your root people because it’s hurts a lot when they fall off. I have also learnt and am still learning to value myself and take care of me first because I cannot pour from an empty vessel. This journey has been hard and continues to be but I will continue to take it a day at a time until I reach my destination.
What advise would I give to anyone on this journey or contemplating taking this journey? Well, since you asked, :), I would say, doing it alone is really hard and if you have a few people you can depend on, lean on them. That is one of the aspects I am working on in my process, leaning more on my friends because I know they got me. If you are unsure of your friends, and Alcoholics Anonymous is something that sounds doable, find one around you to aid in the journey. Secondly, find your ‘why’? Why do you want to get sober? Why does it matter to you? Because in those hardest of times, your ‘why’ will be your anchor and the reason to keep fighting. Third, be kind to yourself, this is a journey, a process and there will be bumps on the road. If you start and fail, dust yourself off and start again, if you start and temptations feel overwhelming, thats okay too, we are only human after all. Fourth and probably most important, You are not alone, a lot of people go through this and triumph, reach out for help when you need to. There is nothing so bad that cannot be solved when shared.
Thank you for reading. If you have story about your sobriety journey that you’d like to share on this platform, please send it to me using the contact page. If you have questions about my journey, likewise. If you have been through this journey and you are further along and have some pointers, please share with me using the contact page.
The Musings of a Wandering Mind 